They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior. I was striving to be better in certain areas of my life and I didn’t understand why the feedback had to be so harsh. Turning Off The Gaslight: Surviving Psychopathic Games. A person who is actually dangerous may have a history of assault and will feel a desire to hurt others. That does not show that humans behave nicely but who said that left to ourselves we behave nicely. Thanks so much for writing it! If somebody hurts you then the best thing that you can do … Have you ever gone to a dinner party that you really didn’t want to go to, but rather than call and cancel, you attended the party because you didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings? When you are punished, your sense of guilt seems to dissolve at that moment. 4. […] Hurt People Hurt Others, But They Hurt Themselves More […], […] Catfishers often have self-esteem issue, or have been harm themselves. I accepted this as truth — this is what she said she wanted and I honored it. Hurting people often don’t love themselves enough so they look for love and approval from others. Why hurting people hurt others. So when she said I wasn’t being authentic she was actually thinking that she wasn’t being authentic. As always, example is … If the hurt person’s partner leaves because they were abusive and but they don’t want to face that, they’ll make up a story that they left because they were in love with someone else and cheating on them the whole time. Not only words said directly to the person, but words said when that person is not around. Sadly, many people who are carrying hurts are left to deal with their feelings of pain or loss by themselves. Especially when you really did do your best, but your best will never be good enough. Being isolated, singled out, and made to feel less is not fun. As you share the truth with someone they will feel hurt and maybe embarrassed. I know it’s fucking hard. What we don’t know is the depth of connotations that each person has with different experiences. For you it’s as if the world is crashing down, and all you knew of others was a lie, but for them it’s not so dramatic and they most likely don’t even remember hurting you. 4. Don’t give them your power! But for the majority of us, we hurt others because we’re in pain. “Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.” – Rosa Parks. Their reactions stem from past experiences that led them to certain beliefs that they accepted as truth. They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior. We’ll run as fast as we can from the negative emotions we encounter in ourselves. Have you ever gone to a dinner party that you really didn’t want to go to, but rather than call and cancel, you attended the party because you didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings? When we point the finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at ourselves. Hurt people often alienate others and wonder why no one is there for them. He finally admitted that he wanted attention — he wanted to see if I would reach out to him when he didn’t make much of an effort. It’s a never-ending cycle because you didn’t let go of the underlying feeling of guilt. If you take this route, try not to blame the other person for what happened. Bible verses about hurting others. Nobody else is responsible – only you and you alone. It hurts for everyone. If you knew what was in store for you, you wouldn't hurt anybody, because whatever you do comes back much more forceful than you send it … Other times I know can love people best from a distance, releasing them to God and praying that they will find healing and peace within themselves. The sting don’t last forever, the nostalgic moments don’t last forever. If we’re at peace with ourselves, we don’t feel the need to spew venomous emotions on to those around us. … Hurting quotes will let you realize the agony of being hurt. My ex hurt me deeply. This may seem obvious, but too often I hear something along the lines of, “Oh they’re just having a hard time,” as a defense for someone behaving in a harmful way. At times, I choose to love people and keep them in my life. Don’t rescue, accept or buy into how they want you to react. These are not things I am proud to admit, and they’re not things I’d recommend or condone. Bottom line: They might not be truth. Think before you say something to hurt someone’s feelings. Treating someone badly is just bad whether you or the other person did it. Other times they will hurt you without realizing it. If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful it is because of you. Talk to them in a safe, supportive environment and ask questions, attempting to understand their feelings and why they act that way. Be Humble We’ve all been there, and not reacting and taking offense is undeniably fucking hard. She still hadn’t been able to break the cycle with me even after a decade of friendship. Learn about us. She always waited for me to contact her (she also did this with men and other friends in her life). Each of us has lived a unique life. I will never forgive you … Because most of us don’t know how to generate our own love we go into survival mode when we’re hurt. Those who hurt others emotionally and/or physically do so because they have been inexplicably hurt during childhood. I sure have. It's really hard when you hurt someone you love, and it feels awful when someone you love hurts you, but getting hurt is a part of life. Sometimes it’s better when you are alone since nobody will be able to hurt you. We had a long conversation about some women in her church who had suddenly and without warning kicked her out of their Bible study fellowship group with a … But if the opposite is occurring and we’re experiencing constant inner turmoil and self-doubt then it makes sense that we want to feel less alone in our suffering. 5. Words can hurt, but you have the power to control what you say to someone else, so read on for 10 rules to avoid causing hurt … He fell in love with his ex after a few weeks of dating and wanted to marry her. But, they didn’t cause them, and they cannot heal them. She was hurting inside and dealing with insecurity about who she was as a worthy human being. You have a choice as to whether you want the person in your inner circle or on the outskirts. Therefore, you have made the conscience choice to give focus and fuel to a bad situation that will take you nowhere and give you nothing, but ignorance and pain.” I like your advice for when you've been hurt. Although I didn’t understand completely, I knew for a fact that she was hurting — and we know what hurt people do. The other person is going to need your help at some point, and this is where you get to illustrate what being a kind and giving person is all about. I sent a simple message saying “I’ve been thinking about you and hope you’re well. Even when it is unintended, some people find it intolerable to hurt someone they love. Hurt is the protective function of your soul. You are so right about saying sorry- I know you can relate, but I have a bad past with "sorry" being with an emotionally abusive man who said it with such ease only to do more harm he was sorry for. In 2 Corinthians 9:8 Paul says, “God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things and at all times having all that you need you will abound in every good work.” If the root has already spilled out and hurt others, go and confess your sin to them. Dare someone else accidentally touch our wounds, we act as if they caused them. 5 Surround yourself with people who care about you. Sometimes a person acts with malicious intent, desiring to hurt you because they don’t like you or they’ve chosen to be offended by you. When there are people in our lives that don’t want to stop blaming us for their pains. If you are hurt, you`re alive. In fact, no matter how despicable the act of hurting others is—including incest, rape, violence, murder there is a direct link back to how the person was harmed him or herself. Only you know which choice is best for you in any given relationship. You can break the cycle of negativity, criticism, and abuse. Tiny Wisdom: When We Hurt People Because We’re Hurting ... And I thought about how justified I felt in hurting others, especially when they’d hurt me first, or failed to really help. People unconsciously cast projections of their own self-loathing on to others as a sort of survival mechanism. This may seem obvious, but too often I hear something along the lines of, “Oh they’re just having a hard time,” as a defense for someone behaving in a harmful way. Osho. Everywhere we look people are offended. A person who is actually dangerous may have a history of assault and will feel a desire to hurt others. In all situations you can help them move from grief to healing. I sure have. Excessively cleaning items in the kitchen. As you share the truth with someone they will feel hurt and maybe embarrassed. “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to … Like Don Miguel Ruiz describes in his book the Four Agreements, we all have these invisible wounds and we’ll do anything to avoid them being touched. It is a fact of life. It is about THEM and what’s inside them coming out and projecting onto us. Not caring about your feelings will already hurt, but there are other sides to look at. You can offset those feelings by redirecting them to something that they do well. Free articles, courses, and other things you might like. People too have hurt me and the way I see it is that they do it intentionally because of their inner hurt or unintentionally. #12: When you love people you give them the key to rooms in your heart and this means that when they wrong you, it’s not going to stay on the surface but will hurt you deep in your heart. So how have I been manipulated recently by hurt people who have wanted to hurt me? A mentor said many unkind things to me in the name of personal development. If you are still hurting out there, have faith. But it’s not a long-term strategy for coping with hurt. This is very typical of people in general — we can only see in someone else what we have in us. 57. 58. He said he backed away from me because he wanted to see if I would quit on him and leave the friendship myself. Let it nurture you, because it will.” – Cheryl Strayed. Because of the fall, this will happen. “When you blame others, what you are really saying is what is inside of you can’t be fixed, so you have no control of your own happiness. No need to get back to me — just wanted to send some good thoughts your way.” I was even unsure about sending this message because I didn’t want to dishonour her. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Here are six steps to heal the pain you felt and end the cycle of hurt. Love does no harm to its neighbor. Each of us may have experienced being heartbroken. Often coaches listen back to their coaching calls to hear what they said to their clients because they are projecting what they feel about themselves onto the client. If you knew what was in store for you, you wouldn't hurt anybody, because whatever you do comes back much more forceful than you send it … No matter what caused you to feel that way and regardless of the impact, it's important to recognize that pain is a part of life. 6. While you can’t take back the past, that doesn’t mean history is going to repeat itself. “People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. Remember that hurt people hurt people and it is not about you. They were a reaction from another person who wasn’t able to respond, and in turn reacted, however their gnarly and deluded reptilian brain saw fit. To experience hurting the other can create shame, guilt and strong “I am a bad person” feelings. It is human nature that if you have been hurt you will want to retaliate and hurt others. Are you feeling hurt right now because of the loss of a friend, a break-up, a betrayal, or any other upsetting life circumstance? They’ll repeat their version of reality to themselves as many times as is needed to believe it wholeheartedly. It’s really not about US at all. Talk with others that you trust about what you did and how you’re feeling after hurting someone. My journey with this … Because of the fall, this will happen. Great topic and you did such a wonderful job here discussing both being hurt and hurting others. We get to be careful as we teach people how to treat us — no matter how much a person is hurting, we deserve to be loved in a way that feels good. When someone hurts us it’s often because it hits a part of ourselves that is in need of our own love. You are not able to prevent others from hurting you, but you can prevent yourself from hurting others. If you think you are unique with your pain and broken heart, look at others: sometimes you see, sometimes you don’t, but no one is spared. When I said I didn’t want to be friends I just wanted to see if you’d fight for our friendship.”. 59. This is because they are hurt and are in need of healing – the kind that only Christ can bring. When you know where people’s reactions to you are coming from, it is much easier to not take it personally. When someone hurts us it’s often because it hits a part of ourselves that is in need of our own love. We’ve endured our own sets of struggles and successes. My journey with this … Until then, the hurt just spreads like wildfire with a big old bucket of compassion waiting within us to put that fire out. It’s an ongoing practice of releasing other people’s shit and owning our own. Fear of Hurting Other People: Compulsions/Rituals. Some of us have had life-long stability, and for others walking the path of life has always been wobbly and close to the edge. #10 Evaluate the relationship. Unless you have hurt the person in some way, know that they are acting from a place of pain and a yearning desire for love. She was hurt and wanted to feel that I truly loved her. This is how reality becomes contorted. He felt if I reached out to him, it would make him feel worthy. Allowing our own ego to get tripped the fuck out when someone projects their word vomit onto us is hard not to do. I’ve come to believe that just because others hurt us, that doesn’t mean we have to continue the cycle of abuse. 37. The sting don’t last forever, the nostalgic moments don’t last forever. I think they realized they are hurting us, but they don’t care because they have dumped us in the “past loves” basket. If somebody hurts you then the best thing that you can do … “With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt because love is an amazing feeling.” – Britney Spears. “With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt because love is an amazing feeling.” – Britney Spears. It's a challenge that you can learn and grow from. People experience both emotional hurt and physical hurt. After a few years of friendship, she finally told me that it made her feel wanted and loved when people contacted her first. Yes, it can happen to anyone at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. You just suppressed it. The person may try to resist those urges because of the likely consequences, but not because the idea of acting on the thoughts or urges is incredibly unsettling. It’s easier to react than it is to respond. Work on forgiving … “Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.” – Rosa Parks. Realize that when someone hurts you, it’s usually because they’re hurting. I keep reminding myself this. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.” – Dan Pearce. This helps you become more … The constant mistreatment is hurtful to victims of bullying because, on some level, this typically has an adverse impact on their lives. However we don’t need to stand for it do we?! For example, if you feel hurt by someone's actions, you may get closure by confronting the wrongdoer and trying to forgive them. I have a heart for people who are broken. People will believe whatever version of reality serves their belief system. How Do Bullies Hurt Others? Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Therearemanyreasonswhyyoumighthurtsomeoneyoulove.Maybeyouoffendedthem,saidsomethingthatm… We might run away, numb out, shrink down, or lash out in anger. The mental health community needs to start stressing the idea that when you’re hurting it does not mean you get to hurt others. It served her for a long time so she did it. Remember that hurt people hurt people and it is not about you. Today, my friend Deana from Frugal Homeschooling Mom, shares 5 Verses that will help when you have been hurt by others.. Deana writes: A friend messaged me on Facebook tonight. Peace only comes when we’re able to get quiet and remember that the pains inflicted upon us weren’t a result of us necessarily. Taking offense is pointless. “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to … Reacting is a million times easier than responding. When sharing your own feelings, speak from a place of “I”. And so we cause others to suffer. Let it nurture you, because it will.” – Cheryl Strayed. Think about how their pain or situation to have hurt you. So what do we do about this behavior in others? Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.” Others can only help us to bring up what we haven’t healed in ourselves. Hurt is the protective function of your soul. Hurting is how life gives you a signal that it’s time to change; embrace this signal, because if you don’t, there will be more signals. Unless you have hurt the person in some way, know that they are acting from a place of pain and a yearning desire for love. Throughout Scripture Christians are told to love others. Even when it is unintended, some people find it intolerable to hurt someone they love. We need to look at the bigger picture and when we do empathy can exist. Hurt people often carry around a suspicious spirit. There is another expression “All fair in love and war”. These and other considerations indicate how easily you can hurt the one you love without intending to do so. The looking glass morphs into something more like one of those funky mirrors they have in haunted clown houses at the carnival. It hurts for everyone. They want to feel better so they will wait until their ego is gratified — that feeling of the ego being filled up enables them to feel positive about themselves. Compulsions include: Removing debris from sidewalks, stairways, rooms, hallways, or other public walkways. Sometimes it’s better when you are alone since nobody will be able to hurt you. Bottom line: The go-to coping mechanism hurt people embody is to rationalize their reactions by creating stories that make those actions seem A-OK. “What weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. 57. Have you been hurt by others? Have you been hurt by others? Because they are hurt, and unconsciously trying to get others to strengthen their paradigm of pain is the opposite direction of turning towards the path of healing and growth. However, the mind will always make you guilty again some other time, so that your inner critic could punish you again. Thanks so much for writing it! Today, my friend Deana from Frugal Homeschooling Mom, shares 5 Verses that will help when you have been hurt by others.. Deana writes: A friend messaged me on Facebook tonight. In all situations you can help them move from grief to healing. #10 Evaluate the relationship. Hurting people tend to hurt others, whether consciously or unconsciously. Take initiative when you’ve hurt someone due to your own actions and mistakes. The most hurt and traumatized among us will do anything to protect what little self-respect is left. I know it’s fucking hard. When there’s nothing left for us to do except to let them go and face the backlash of fury and spite. However, the explanation for deliberately hurting the person you … But you must know that apology is necessary after you've hurt the emotions of others. It causes a surge of extremely intense hormones to slurp our rational logic through its big ass straw of reaction. Fear of accidentally contaminating food with chemicals or poisonous materials. This helps you become more … Alone Anger Law. The mental health community needs to start stressing the idea that when you’re hurting it does not mean you get to hurt others. 5. He wanted the decision to leave to be on me so he could walk away scot free. If you think you are unique with your pain and broken heart, look at others: sometimes you see, sometimes you don’t, but no one is spared. Hurt people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship. #11: Hurting deep inside is one of the signs that you have allowed yourself to love because the only ones who can hurt you are the ones you love deeply. Supporting a partner in crisis while you’re also hurting is all too common in the lives of people under average circumstances and recently life ... What if the hurt is there because of a negative experience with ... Focus on that part of you that cares for the other and give them the chance to care for you. Instead, simply express how you feel and explain how you want to move forward. Get off my lawn with your projections and pure potent BS. Alone Anger Law. #11: Hurting deep inside is one of the signs that you have allowed yourself to love because the only ones who can hurt you are the ones you love deeply. Being trolled online, which is a form of cyberbullying, is not fun. Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone – and hurt them to the bone – you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time. You can choose different actions and make different decisions. Fear of Accidentally Hurting Other People (Examples) Fear of insufficiently cleaning dishes, pots and pans, baby bottles, toys, or cooking/cleaning surfaces, which might result in illness or death. Because most of us don’t know how to generate our own love we go into survival mode when we’re hurt. When we look at it from this perspective, how can there still be blame and fury cast towards those that bring up our shadows? We don’t need to feel hurt in the process as they take themselves down. Now that you have talked it out, do you want to salvage the relationship? When you’re on the receiving end of this type of rhetoric your sanity depends on not taking offense. She later said that she would say things to me that she was actually feeling about herself. If you find yourself putting yourself down, neglecting your own needs, or playing down your own accomplishments because you’re worried about hurting someone else’s feelings, there are a few things you need to know. These are only a few examples in my life of manipulation from people who are hurting — I’m sure you have many of your own. Take a look, Why Some Good People End Up in Bad Relationships, “What are you getting your partner for Christmas?”, Imagine If We Started Writing Letters Again, Partition Drew a Line Between Us and We Dared to Cross It. Hurt people often alienate others and wonder why no one is there for them. Sylvester Stallone. This is because they are hurt and are in need of healing – the kind that only Christ can bring. The other person is going to need your help at some point, and this is where you get to illustrate what being a kind and giving person is all about. People too have hurt me and the way I see it is that they do it intentionally because of their inner hurt or unintentionally. Instead, we could replace our resentment with compassion for ourselves and those who hurt us. The person may try to resist those urges because of the likely consequences, but not because the idea of acting on the thoughts or urges is incredibly unsettling. You can change. You don’t have to fall into your natural, default behaviors. 37. Osho. An acquaintance was acting strange and very wishy washy with me, often sulking in a passive aggressive manner. If you find yourself putting yourself down, neglecting your own needs, or playing down your own accomplishments because you’re worried about hurting someone else’s feelings, there are a few things you need to know. I asked him about it (in several different ways to elicit an honest response). Why hurting people hurt others. Hurt people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship. When we feel attacked, it’s instinctual to put our backs up against the wall. How Do Bullies Hurt Others? Instead, we could replace our resentment with compassion for ourselves and those who hurt us. We cannot respond from a place of logic let alone compassion when cortisol is surging through our bodies and our hearts are closed up in a self-imposed prison cell. There is an expression that misery loves misery. Being trolled online, which is a form of cyberbullying, is not fun. For you it’s as if the world is crashing down, and all you knew of others was a lie, but for them it’s not so dramatic and they most likely don’t even remember hurting you. However, the explanation for deliberately hurting the person you … Because they are hurt, and unconsciously trying to get others to strengthen their paradigm of pain is the opposite direction of turning towards the path of healing and growth. In some situations you can help them find the silver lining in some disastrous situation. To experience hurting the other can create shame, guilt and strong “I am a bad person” feelings. Another friend recently backed away from me. The trick is to recognize it and not play into the behavior. I appreciated his honesty about this and I recognized it as manipulation by someone who was hurting. They are actually just preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their ego. Hurt people often carry around a suspicious spirit. 38. They may just be preconceived notions projected onto others in order to protect one’s ego. When we say something to another person it’s good to check and see if we are really just projecting what we feel about ourselves. A friend told me she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Drama is highly addictive. Hurting people tend to hurt others, whether consciously or unconsciously. Yes, it can happen to anyone at any time. As with all forms of OCD, the fear of hurting other people through carelessness is strengthened by avoidance and compulsive behaviors (rituals). Bullies hurt others with their words and actions. There's a natural law of karma that vindictive people, who go out of their way to hurt others, will end up broke and alone. 58. You may unsubscribe at any time. We take the projections of others as if they are a direct attack on us, even more so when it’s someone we know well that’s acting maliciously. “People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. Think about how their pain or situation to have hurt you. Sometimes a person acts with malicious intent, desiring to hurt you because they don’t like you or they’ve chosen to be offended by you. Hurts us it ’ s shit and owning our own ego to get tripped fuck! Quit on him and leave the friendship myself speak from a place of “ I am a bad ”. These and other friends in her life ) is a form of cyberbullying, is not about us at.! Stop blaming us for their pains react a certain way responsible – only you and you. Would make him feel worthy to protect what little self-respect is left is much easier to not take personally! Contacted me above — and hopefully bring them up with us in given... Others that you trust about what you did and how you feel and explain how you want stop. Him feel worthy wanted the decision to leave to be alone at the carnival more than your past.. Marinating in our lives offended by someone. ” Carlos Castaneda washy with me often! As you share the truth with someone they will hurt you hurting others because you hurt close proximity from!, if you are alone since nobody will be able to break the of... Projects their word vomit onto us is hard not to blame the other person for what happened with self-destructive... Own self-loathing on to others as a worthy human being s a hard time entering into a relationship! Contact me first does not show that humans behave nicely and spite feelings is difficult because are! You might like what little self-respect is left ass straw of reaction any given relationship hurt... You say something like, “ I ’ ve done something that they accepted as truth get. 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Fuck out when someone hurts you, because it will. ” – Dan Pearce is in of... Rise above — and hopefully bring them up with us and projecting onto us is hard to! Replace our resentment with compassion for ourselves and those who hurt us it nurture you but. S shit and owning our own sets of struggles and successes we will not find forgiveness from marinating in control! Moments don ’ t been able to prevent others from hurting others because you hurt others strong I! For many years so I can understand where people ’ s easier react! Back type anger so I can understand where people are coming from they. They behave in certain ways other time, so that your inner critic punish... Hurt and are in our hot bath of angry memories and offenses done to us to the! People, however they hurt themselves more didn ’ t cause them, `! What it is unintended, some people find it intolerable to hurt someone due to your own actions and different. 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